The Fabers

I wish Nancy and Randall Faber were never born!

These were the words I heard Nicholas hiss bitterly under his breath on Monday afternoon as he sat down at the piano bench for the first time in 2 months and I knew we were in for a rough start.  It didn't keep me from laughing out loud, however.

Nicholas, on the other hand, was not laughing.  That first practice lasted a walloping 1 hour and 15 minutes.  All he was required to do was to play 3 short pieces 4 times each.

Nick, sitting in front of his Faber "Piano Adventures" book, sobbed when he couldn't make it through what, in June, was an easy, perfectly memorized piece.  He asked me to go to the basement so I couldn't hear his playing.  He moaned.  He wailed.  He declared he couldn't do it.  He proclaimed it was the worst day of his life. 

I sat beside him.  Quiet for the most part.  Praying to all the saints and angels above for patience to sit it out with him.  Occasionally and calmly encouraging him along.

It's difficult to sit down at anything and discover that what once came so easy now feels so impossible and overwhelming.  And to really be OK with the mistakes you make, even though you know that you're better than that.  It's a hard lesson, even for us grown ups.  The pain (and shame?) of making mistakes-even-though-you-know-better just manifests itself differently, more quietly, in adults.  The days of pounding on the keyboard in frustration are perhaps and hopefully behind most of us.  But that's not to say that it's not still there, real and alive, biting at us from the inside out.

On Monday, I didn't shelter Nicholas from that pain.  We didn't deny it.  We didn't pretend that it wasn't there.  We allowed it in and it overtook us for 75 excruciating minutes.

On Tuesday, Nick sailed through his practicing in 20 minutes (I think on sheer determination alone not to have a repeat of the previous afternoon).  I was tremendously relieved because I don't think I could have done it again either.

By tonight he was playing his 3 pieces without any mistakes. 

He just might forgive the Fabers one of these days yet.  Here's hoping.