On praise

A lot has been said about how recent adult generations are wrecking the capacity of the younger ones to deal with criticism, pain and basic life in the real world.  And I don't totally disagree.  The pendulum swing on this issue has indeed taken its course as the generations (mine included) that have wrestled with chronic low self esteem over-correct, heaping boatloads of unearned accolades on their children in a well-meaning attempt to save them from themselves.

I, too, often find myself tempted to shower my kids with easy offerings of how amazing they are, how smart they are, how beautiful they are - because of course I believe, like all parents, that my children are exceptionally special.  And they are.  The reality is, however, that they are not any more (nor any less) special than any other child.  Every child, every person is exceptionally special.  And this simple idea is what I really want them to understand about life.  In many ways, it's really the only important thing.

Now, this is not to say that providing recognition and acknowledgment of hard work, effort or accomplishment is not also incredibly important, serving both as a positive reinforcement and an incredible motivator.  And not just for kids.

John has taken guitar lessons for well over half of his life.  He works hard at it and practices every day.   He doesn't have lofty performance goals or dreams of virtuosity.  It is something he does for himself, to feed his soul.

Yesterday, John came home after his lesson, eyes shining.  His teacher had offered a single well-placed, well-deserved honest acknowledgment of hard work, accomplishment, skill.

And he sat down with his guitar and it sang all night.